ASD · Autism · Aydan's Life

Stardust

(Back story: I had to write an essay today for placement in my college English class. With a little luck, I’ll be able to start attending college on the 6th of September. The following is the essay that I wrote, I asked to keep a copy because I wanted to share it with my readers.)

When most people think of a superpower, skill, or talent their minds then to be lead to the ability to fly, turn invisible, run at excessive speeds or any number of the skills that we see today in the Marvel movies, or in comic books. For most people superpowers mean that they are extraordinary, or superhuman, but for someone like me a superpower would be the ability to be neuro-typical, and free from crippling anxiety. Being neuro-typical and free from anxiety would allow me to exist in society without the aid of another person as my constant companion. I would be able to thrive rather than just survive each day.

While most people wouldn’t think being neuro-typical would be a superpower, talent or skill, they don’t realize exactly how small the world is for someone that has my disabilities. Without my disability I would be able to go into public without having to worry about the number of people or the amount of noise in my destination location. There would be no thought of “did I pack my earphones in my backpack”; nor a need to carry a backpack that weighs as much as a small child because I have to be prepared for anything that might happen.

The sensory issues that are, at times, just as crippling as the anxiety itself would dissipate into something of normalcy. The worry of whether or not today was a day for being able to wear shoes, or is your socks are soft enough to last through the day would vanish. The embarrassment of needing to go out in fleece pajama bottoms because jeans were too rough against the skin would be a thing of the past. This fantastic power of being something akin to normal would open so many proverbial doors that have been not only shut, but also locked since birth.

The companionship that human beings, as pack animals, desire and even require would no longer be so far out of reach. Being neuro-typical would allow me to better understand why society is the way it is. Harnessing the power of the neuro-typical mind would grant me the power to form more than just one or two casual friendships, if that. It would bring me from the near isolation that I am trapped in, and thrust me into a world where I could make and keep companions without the ever constant voice of terror whispering “what if I say the wrong thing” or “will they still care if I have a meltdown”.

The superpower of normalcy would definitely be life-changing, and for the better some would say; however, it would drastically change who and what I am. It would make my life easier, and I would be able to interact with people in ways that I’ve only dreamed of. Society would no longer be a vast mystery of human rituals and confusing interactions leaving me in a chaotic state of upset. Yet I would no longer be able to be a voice for those like me who could not speak. As great as having any superpower would be, in the end, I prefer to just by myself. After all, we’re nothing more than a culmination of our experiences and stardust, and I like being stardust.

(If you would like to make a donation or a loan to help me get started this year with college, it would be greatly appreciated. After spending nearly six months homeless, getting back on my feet and taking a step in the right direction is not only hard but expensive. I may end up having to pay out of state tuition, which means double the cost of the classes which puts this semester alone at around $5,000USD. Donations can be made via Paypal. ( AydanKOConnor@gmail.com) My major is Computer Science and I will be learning to design websites. I already know some coding and am currently working on a side project for a local non-profit to help raise money for my classes. I am willing to trade my skills for donations or payment as well. Thank you for reading One Step from Chaos.com.)

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