More often than not I’ve been homeless, I’ve never really stayed in one place more than two years since high school. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I moved around a lot when I was growing up, the fact that I’ve never really felt at home anywhere I’ve lived, or the fact that my disability makes it impossible to hold down a full time job for any length of time before I have a complete meltdown. Once it was so bad that I ended up admitted to a psychiatric hospital.
I’ve stayed with family and friends most of my life, which isn’t something that I’m really proud of because I feel like a complete waste of space. Even though I try hard to help out; cooking, cleaning, yard work, fixing vehicles when they break down, household repairs, etc., I end up feeling like a burden and unwanted to the point where I’m suicidal.
I’m at that point now.
Couple my depression with the fact that I have a school district that has discriminated against my son, refusing him the services that he needs to thrive (I have a feeling it’s because I”m transgender, something the county of Amelia seems to have an open hostility towards.) and the fact that they like to threaten me with truancy even if I home-school him and things have just gone to hell.
I’ve been trying to find a new place to stay, praying that someone would let my son and I crash on their sofa for a couple of weeks until my wife and I could work out better plans, but that idea failed. The only friends that offered were unfortunately in Australia, with me being in the United States, that just isn’t going to happen. Though I am extremely grateful that they offered, even if we are half a world apart, its more than any of my more local friends offered. That hurt, maybe because I’d open my home to a friend with a child in an instant if they were having troubles like I am.
So it’s back to the gypsy style of life to make a long story not so long. After my wife had an argument with her mother this morning about our predicament it’s obvious that we aren’t welcome here any longer and need to leave. At least this time we have a larger SUV and trailer so we won’t lose everything that we have yet again.
It is for this reason that I’ve had to postpone the TransMuted Project, which is breaking my heart. It gave me something to focus on, and for just a few weeks I felt not so worthless. I felt like I had a purpose in life and now that’s been taken away.
So off into the wild blue yonder with us.
Luckily I still have my Chromebook and for the next month at least a cell phone with internet access, so maybe we can make something happen. Wish me luck everyone, my family is going to need it.