Lost

I feel so incredibly lost right now. My Ford Explorer is still broken after replacing not only a CV axle on the driver’s side, but also a ball joint; for those that don’t speak “mechanic” it’s a pain in the ass to do either and really more money than I have to be throwing into a vehicle. This leaves me stranded in Texas with upcoming doctor’s appointments not only for myself but also for my son.

Just because I’m not having enough of a hard time the cosmos decided that I needed more to deal with in the form of our family/farm dog getting hit by a car; most likely because someone saw a pitbull and thought that the evil dog needed to die. She survived but she will now need surgery to relocate her elbow that was dislocated, more money we don’t have. What we had saved up to get home on went into fixing the explorer, which of course didn’t work.

While I’m not on the streets in Texas there are times when I feel like that would have been a better choice. My brother and father are acting hostile towards me on an almost constant basis, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand this before I break.

With each passing day I feel more and more used by people that I was supposed to be able to trust; friends, I’ve come to detest that word almost more than any other word in the English language. I don’t feel like I have anyone that I can turn to for help, or really anyone that gives a damn about what happens to me.

I don’t really know what I’m going to do, or really what I can do from here. I am beginning to feel  like I don’t have any choices other than the one that would end my existence; more and more I’m feeling backed into a corner and at a loss for everything.
I feel like if I wasn’t around, things would be easier…

#animals-2, #broken-vehicle, #depression, #family-2