Aydan's Life · Depression · Uncategorized

I wish it would all end…

Mile by mile I limped my truck back to where I started my trip back home…Sulfur Springs TX. I wasn’t able to make it home to Ford like I had planned but I did manage to make it safely back where I started. 

Thus far the assume culprit of my truck issues is a broken front differential, which in short means I have to replace the front end of my truck, running gear wise. The part brand new costs over $1400 with a $200 core charge, needless to say I’m looking into other options. I don’t have the money to make it back home now left alone replace front differential in my truck. Not to mention the time it’s going to take to do so and I’m a little short on time. I have to be back in Richmond before Saturday. Also, I broke one of my bits trying to drop the driveshaft this morning. 

Then to top off the horrible time I’m having I was pulled over by a cop who says that I was driving 59 in a 50. I call bullshit. I was driving my parents car, but I was only going 52 or 53. So now I’m having panic attacks every time I see a cop car again, worse than before. It’s to the point where I feel like I can’t drive because if I have a bad enough panic attack I don’t want to become a danger to other drivers on the road. Thanks assholes in Richmond. You did a grade A job of giving me PTSD, you deserve asshole of the century awards. 

And then…repetitive, I know. 

To top off all the horribleness if my day I dropped my brand new iPhone 6 Plus on a wood floor when my stupid hand just decided it wasn’t going to hold anything anymore and I cracked the screen in two places. It’s not bad but it almost makes me cry every time I see them. This little voice in the back of my head whispers it’s only a matter of time before the phone starts dying on me like the last ones. 

I feel like an utter waste and I’m beyond depressed. I have no money of my own and no one wants to hire a freak like me that can’t hold a job down for more than a month without having an emotional breakdown. 

Every time my phone rings I cringe and almost start crying because I know it’s just one more bill I can’t pay. I feel like it’s becoming too much for me to handle. 

I just want to disappear. 

I want all this suffering to end. 

I just want some help. 

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