Losing someone about whom you care deeply about can be horrifically painful, often times you replay in your mind the fights you had, foolish things you said or actions you wish you would have taken. Dealing with death is not an easy task for most people; but what if the loss you had to deal with wasn’t really a death but rather the seemingly permanent removal of a person or persons from your life? What if the person was still alive and well, but simply refused to have anything to do with you? This scenario is one that a lot of LGBT and even non-LGBT people deal with on a regular basis. Until my parents all but disowned me because of my transition, this was really never something that crossed my mind, but it still happens.
The cause can be anything from coming out as LGBT, not agreeing with a religious or political views of the rest of your family, or marrying someone that the rest of your family and friends hate. All of which are superficial and callous, that isn’t to say that some people do not have good reasons to cut others out of their lives. It is when people use their affection and attention as a method of control that they begin to lack sincerity in their relationships.
These people might as well be saying “I’ll love you, but only if you…” They put clauses and limitations on their love for others as a way of controlling everyone around them. This is not how love or even friendship should be. We see this kind of behavior in schoolyards when young children profess that if you want to be their friend you can’t be anyone else’s friend. It’s a childlike behavior and yet there are individuals that continue on with it even into adulthood.
There are times when we want only what we think is best for those we love but we should take care when holding our relationships hostage, less we become the living dead to someone that means the world to us. We should recognize that we are all each our own person, and the best thing that we can do is be supportive regardless of our own feelings.